Before You Throw In the Towel

by Wilson Adams

INTRODUCTION:

    A contractor had the responsibility of building a strip mall.  There would be a paint store on one and a Day Care on the other.  The city planners demanded that he place several fire walls throughout the structure.  The contractor, who was trying to cut costs, made a deal with the inspector, money changed hands, and the unseen fire walls were not built.  A fire broke out several months later and in a matter of minutes the entire building was engulfed in flames and smoke.  The children were able to get out.  Barely.

    Fire walls are essential in saving lives.  That’s true in a building or a house.  It’s also true in a marriage.

    Fire walls are those principles we erect in advance which will stop the raging inferno of anger, which can easily build in a marriage.  Fire walls allow time to “cool off” and help us think things through.  Fire walls help us to face realistically the consequences of divorce.   Fire walls are essential!

   The need for fire walls is obvious.  Divorce happens 10 times per minute, 4,500 times per day, and one million times per year.  Those numbers mean little until they hit “home” – as in “your” home.  Few families have not been touched by this cancer that slowly eats away at our society.

BEFORE YOU THROW IN THE TOWEL...

  1. DON'T BE DECEIVED!
    1. It is essential that we not lie to ourselves about the consequences of divorce!  As bad as disagreements, arguments, and fights can be in marriage, divorce takes all those and MULTIPLIES them!
      1. I have heard people reason that divorce is not that bad.  "The pain in my marriage is so bad, it can't get any worse."  Wrong.  It can and it will!  Do not be deceived... (Gal. 6:7)
      2. Not only do we fool ourselves by thinking divorce isn't that bad, but we deceive ourselves into thinking it will never happen to me.  "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." (1 Cor. 10:12)
    2. Illustration:  David & Michal, 2 Sam. 6:12ff.  David and his wife had no fire walls in their home and the results were disastrous.  The point:  If it can happen to David, it can happen to anyone.
  2. FIREWALLS BEGIN WITH AN UNDERSTANDING OF GOD'S WILL.
    1. God's rule for marriage is plainly stated in Rom. 7:2-3.
man + 1 woman = life

  1. Jesus addressed the issue of broad divorce verses God's will in Matt. 19:3-9 and Matt. 5:31-32.

  2. God declares his attitude toward divorce clearly in Malachi 2:16:   "For I hate divorce!"

  1. "Isn't God a God of grace?"   Yes.  But He is not a grace-giving God to those who live in violation of His will.

  1. CONSEQUENCES OF DIVORCE

    1. Think About... Your Commitment, Eccl. 5:4.   It is essential that we keep our word.  Did you promise "for better or worse..." "in sickness and in health..." "for richer or poorer..." "til death we do part..."  Did you promise those things?  Keep your promise!

      1. Commitment is a fire wall needed in every home.   There will be fusses and fights (that's normal!) but the fire wall of commitment keeps things from getting out of control.

Two Rules for Every Couple:

Forget anything said at the top of a voice.

Do not let the sun go down on your anger, Eph.4:26.

  1. If there is no fire wall of commitment, things will proceed from bad to worse to tragedy.  We begin to deceive ourselves - "If I can just get out of this marriage, life will be much easier and more peaceful..."  Or we start setting aside biblical rules - "God just doesn't understand my situation" Or - "If I can get out of this, I'll never marry again..."  (Very few people think through the consequences of celibacy!)  Commitment STOPS all of this.
  1. Think About... Your Children.  (Mal 2:15; Eph. 6:4).  Divorce shatters a child's world!  Fact is,

Divorce is tougher than death!
At least in death, mom or dad didn't have a choice.
You can't say that in divorce.

  1. Divorce forces children to take sides.  Is that really fair?   Parents automatically think their children will see things "their way."   Don't count on it.

  2. Divorce is the "gift that keeps on giving."  Joyous occasions such as birthdays, holidays, weddings, banquets, and grandchildren will become periods of stress because of divorce.

Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to
stumble, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung
around his neck, and that he be drowned in the sea.
Matthew 18:6

  1. Think About... Yourself.   Divorce can destroy you financially!  Beyond $$$ costs, there is the "conscience cost."  You will be left wrestling with the nagging question:   Did I do everything I could to make this work and avoid divorce?

In a troubled marriage? Find someone of wisdom.   (Preferably NOT a family member.  Anyone who is emotionally involved may not give you the most needed counsel).  Find someone who will talk straight and talk sense.  And...above all, talk from God's perspective.

Think About... Your Soul. "What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his soul" (Matt. 16:26).   Some throw away eternity with God simply because they can't get along with their mate.

Have you bothered to put some "fire walls" in your marriage?  You better.  Sooner or later, you will need them.

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