Raising Kids Without Raising Your Blood Pressure

by Wilson Adams

Introduction

    Mark Twain had a simple philosophy for rearing children when he spoke tongue-in-cheek, "Things run along smoothly until your kid reaches thirteen.  That's the time you need to stick'em in a barrel, hammer the lid down nice and snug and feed'em through a knot-hole.  And then, when he turns sixteen, plug up the knot-hole!"  That may sound good to some frustrated parents but it obviously won't work.  (There is no way to get a teenager in a barrel much less feed him through a knot-hole!  I mean, a creature who can clean out a refrigerator in ten minutes isn't going to survive the knot-hole routine!)  And by-the-way, Mr. Twain was wrong about "things running along smoothly until the age thirteen..." One exasperated mother described her toddler as a human jet engine which never stops.   Trying to get him to hold still, she said, is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree!

Bill Cosby said he could conquer the world if somehow he could mobilize two hundred two-year-olds!

One mother was asked if she had it to do over again, would she have kids.  "Yes," she replied, "but not the same ones!"

  1. 22:6 - THE BASIC PLACE TO BEGIN

"Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it."

        We learn three things about being a parent

  1. The Nature of the Training:  "Train up..."   The word "train" has to do with creating a desire in the heart of a child for the things of God.  Moses reminded a generation of young Hebrew parents of their need to do that by FIRST making a commitment to God in their lives (Deut. 6:4-5).  If mom and dad aren't interested in spiritual things, the Bible, and having a relationship with God, they will not be able to communicate that to their children.

Your Kids can handle anything except...
HYPOCRISY!

  1. The Duration of the Training:  "a child..." The term "child" is used in the Bible to describe one from birth (1 Sam. 4:21) to one of marriage (Gen. 34).  The point is simple:  The principle of Prov. 22:6 applies to children still living under their parent's roof:

    1. Some parents turn their children loose too soon.  For example, some take a "hands off" approach to teenagers to see if they can fly on their own (they can't!).  If ever a "child" needs attention and direction it is during those formative years.

    2. Some parents hold on too long and never allow their children to develop the confidence needed to leave the nest.

Raising children is much like flying a kite.  If you let out too much string too fast, the slack in the line will cause it to crash.  On the other hand, if you don't let out enough string, the kite will be held back and will never fly as it was intended.  The key for both kite-flying and parenting is...balance.

  1. Implementing the Training:  "in the way he should go."  The literal wording is - "according to his way."   Solomon isn't saying to let a child have his way (that philosophy of child rearing has contributed to a generation of selfish brats!)  The verse refers to the unique makeup and characteristics of each individual child.  Each child is different.   Kids are not the product of assembly line sameness -- each comes from the womb with their "own way".  What works for one may not work for another.  KNOW YOUR CHILD!

    1. The simple truth is that your child is ONE OF A KIND just like you were different from your siblings.  Wise are the parents who have an appreciation for that unique distinctiveness.

      1. Cain and Abel were very different.

      2. Jacob and Easu were twins but opposites.

    2. And how is it possible to learn their "way" unless we give them BOTH quality and quantity time?

  1. COMMON MISTAKES WE MAKE

  1. We tend to raise our children the way we were raised.   --Even if we weren't raised the right way.

  2. We tend to compare children.  "Why can't you be like your sister?"  we say at report card time.  (Have you ever heard that?)  There is a simple answer: She is not like her sister because she is not like...  That doesn't excuse laziness or irresponsibility, but it does recognize that each child is individually different.  (Some kids grow up and rebel because they sense their parents never took the time to "know" them.  And they may be right.)

  1. HAPPENED TO DISCIPLINE?

He who spares his rod hates his son,
but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Proverbs 13:24

There is an inseparable link between love and discipline.  Yet we have become so paranoid about the extreme of "child abuse" that we flee to the opposite extreme, removing discipline all together -- to the detriment of a generation.

        Five Suggestions...

  1. Start Early, Prov. 22:15.  Deliberate acts of defiance demand appropriate and measured responses.  There is a brief window of opportunity in when respect for authority can be instilled in the heart of a child.  Don't miss that opportunity.
  2. Stay Balanced, Prov. 29:15.  There must be a balance between corporal discipline ("rod" - lit: switch) and verbal correction.   Obviously as a child grows there will be less of the former and more of the latter.
  3. Be Consistent.  -- A parent's biggest battle.
  4. Be Reasonable.  Don't set expectations too high.  Leave you and your kids some "wobble" room.  Neither you nor your children will be perfect.
  5. Keep a healthy sense of Humor.  The difficult side of raising your kids will be much easier if you can keep the delightful side in focus.

Some lessons are easier to preach than practice.  (Like this one!)  May God help each of us to do our best.

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