The Lord’s Solution to Problem Relationships (1 Peter 3:8-12)
1Pet 3:8-12 Finally, all [of] [you] [be] of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, [be] tenderhearted, [be] courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. For "He who would love life And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord [are] on the righteous, And His ears [are] [open] to their prayers; But the face of the Lord [is] against those who do evil."
Lifestyle of Serving Others
In Matt. 10:24-25 we have the high calling of the disciple to be like his master. Christianity is the only faith where the Master has supreme power over all things and yet, He is a Servant (Matt 20:26-28)
So those who would be His disciples are called to that lifestyle of serving others. Serving others is not part of our life, it is our life.
Paul writes in Eph. 5:21 that we are to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. The word subject here carries with it the idea of voluntary and willingly subjecting one’s self to serve another. There is no begrudging or force involved.
This spirit of serving others is the very thing that Peter is talking about in 1 Peter. He gets specific starting in chapter 2:13. He urges us to submit ourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution...that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. He tells us to honor all men. And for the servants to be submissive to their masters.
This is where the challenge starts, being submissive. The Spirit knew we would struggle with this so He tells us how. 1 Peter 2:21-23 The only way such a spirit is possible is to keep our eyes on Christ and the sacrifice He made for us.
In 3:8-12 Peter continues with this theme of having a submissive spirit and a servant heart.
all [of] [you] [be] of one mind
Webster defines unity as singleness or consistency of purpose; a common goal.
Psalms 133:1 Behold, how good and how pleasant [it is] for brethren to dwell together in unity
Ephe 4:3 (NKJV) endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the
bond of peace.
4 [There] [is] one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope
of your calling;
5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism;
6 one God and Father of all, who [is] above all, and through all, and in
you all.
Without the one body we fragment the one Spirit. If hope doesn't have the power to weld the saved into one unit then it is not hope. Unless the Lord is revealed as Savior by one faith, our common needs are not met. Unless the one baptism is part of an adequate response of faith to the Lord, it will only fragment the body and make a mockery of the Spirits unity. Without all these elements, the one God cannot bind us all together. Nothing can be removed from this list and leave unity intact.
But, we will never have unity at all if we don’t agree on the standard of authority. In everyday life we have the need for standards ( number of ounces in a pound, number of inches in a foot). When I took machine shop in vocational school we used dial calipers to measure things within 1000’s of an inch. If we ever doubted the tool’s accuracy we would get out a standard and measure it. A standard was just a piece of metal that was exactly an inch long. We see the same thing in the religious world today. The bible is not used as the standard and as a result there is confusion, disorder and division.
having compassion for one another;
Examples of Christ’s compassion Matt 9:36 (KJS) But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd. {fainted...: or, were tired and lay down}
Matt 14:14 (KJS) And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick.
Job 2:11 (NKJV) Now when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity
that had come upon him, each one came from his own place--Eliphaz the Temanite,
Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment
together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him.
12 And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him,
they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled
dust on his head toward heaven.
13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and
no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that [his] grief was very great.
1Joh 3:16 (KJS) Hereby perceive we the love [of God], because he laid down
his life for us: and we ought to lay down [our] lives for the brethren.
17 But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and
shutteth up his bowels [of compassion] from him, how dwelleth the love of
God in him?
18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in
deed and in truth.
19 And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts
before him. {assure: Gr. persuade}
Since we are trying to be like our master, and our master was one that had a lot of compassion we must possess compassion too. Not only should we possess it though, it must show in our lives. v.16 says we should love our brethren enough to lay down our lives for them. v.17 says if we have this world’s goods we should use them to help those in need.
love as brothers
Matt. 22:35-40 Then one of them, [which was] a lawyer, asked [him a question], tempting him, and saying, Master, which [is] the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Christ said loving one another is second only to our love for God. One of the best examples of brotherhood in all of the bible is probably David and Jonathan.
1Sam 18:1 (NKJV) Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
[be] tenderhearted,
The word here tenderhearted is also translated as kindhearted or pitiful. Webster defines pitiful as sorrow felt for another’s suffering or misfortune.
Ephe 4:32 (NKJV) And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.
Gene 50:19 (NKJV) Joseph said to them, "Do not be afraid, for
[am] I in the place of God?
20 "But as for you, you meant evil against me; [but] God meant it for
good, in order to bring it about as [it] [is] this day, to save many people
alive.
21 "Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your
little ones." And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.
Joseph comforted and forgave his brothers, even after they had sold him into slavery.
Matt 18:21-35 reminds us that as long as we keep in mind the forgiveness extended to us by Christ, we should not have a problem being callused or unfeeling in any relationship. We must strive to be sincere.
Matthew 18:35 says we must forgive from your hearts. This is very difficult sometimes, especially in the face of repeated offenses. But remember Peter’s question of how many times to forgive prompted Jesus to relate this parable.
[be] courteous;
This word courteous in the ASV in translated as humbleminded.
Scripture warns of the danger of pride. In 1 John 2:16, we are told that the pride of life is of the world.
Prov 11:2 (NKJV) When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble [is] wisdom.
Prov 16:18 (NKJV) Pride [goes] before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.
Prov 29:23 (NKJV) A man's pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.
but on the contrary blessing,
In 1 Peter 2:11-3:12, the Spirit is giving us instruction on how to live in relation to our fellow-man. In 3:8-12, He is concluding with some exhortation that applies to all relationships alike. In verse 9, He addresses how to deal with those who would treat us harshly or cruelly: not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
The Spirit of God says give a blessing instead. Is He telling us that if our spouse says something unkind to us, we should offer a good word in return? Is He saying there is never a time of retaliation? Reread 1Peter 2:21-23
The word reviled in verse 23 literally means when they hurled their insults and He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats....
So how do we do it? The same way He did it. By serving our family and putting their needs before our own and by entrusting ourselves to Him who judges righteously.
Let him refrain his tongue from evil
It is easy sometimes to take the stresses of the day out on our family. When we come home we like to let our hair down. But problems can arise when sharp or thoughtless words are used. We must remember that the members of our family are the ones we will most influence for Christ.
Prov 15:1 (NKJV) A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Jesus in Jn.8:3-11 used only gentle words when dealing with the woman caught in adultery. All the others surrounding the woman used only words of condemnation.
We also need to develop wisdom in our speech. There are situations that require wisdom as to words that should or should not be said. We can only develop wisdom by spending time with the Master. When Jesus was before Pilot (Matt. 27:11-14), at one point He speaks and at another point He feels it more prudent to keep silent.
Colo 4:6 (NKJV) [Let] your speech always [be] with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
Ephe 4:29 (NKJV) Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
Let him turn away from evil and do good;
These words are simple yet they have a complex meaning. This is a conscious act of turning away from what is evil. This evil is more than just flagrant sin, but it can be more subtle.
Ephe 4:31 (NKJV) Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil
speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just
as God in Christ forgave you.
These sins of the heart and of the tongue have no place in our relationships. It will be much easier to put these things aside if we remember all the good Christ has done for us.
1 Thess. 5:15 See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. This is more than just an attitude but it is an action. The words here say always pursue.
The word do in verse 11 means to carry out; to execute. In our family relationship, we need to show our family how we feel toward them and how we think of them. Do my actions and attitudes show love, or do they make my family feel like an interruption in my busy life?
Ephe 2:10 (NKJV) For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
Let him seek peace and pursue it.
Matt 5:9 (NKJV) Blessed [are] the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
Matthew Henry Cmty Matt 5:3-12 Our Saviour here gives eight characters of blessed people, which represent to us the principal graces of a Christian. The peace-makers are happy. They love, and desire, and delight in peace; and study to be quiet. They keep the peace that it be not broken, and recover it when it is broken. If the peace-makers are blessed, woe to the peace-breakers!
The blessing of being a peacemaker is that we will be called sons of God. We will be called that because we possess His Spirit. One who longs to reconcile and restore relationships rather than dispose or discard them.
Peacemaker -- it’s a wonderful concept -- a marvelous idea. But it is not an easy task. It is one of many sacrifices of selfless living and of unconditional love.
Peter calls us to seek peace and pursue it.
Roma 14:17 (NKJV) for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For he who serves Christ in these things [is] acceptable to God and approved by men. Therefore let us pursue the things [which] [make] for peace and the things by which one may edify another.
Phil 2:3 (NKJV) [Let] nothing [be] [done] through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
Do we really put our spouses needs, wants and desires above our own? Have we seriously given effort to this relationship by looking for ways to resolve problems, rather than pointing them out? Have we sacrificed ourselves even to the point of death to make restoration possible?
Jesus has not called us to an easy life but a rewarding one. If we live to be peacemakers, we will be sons of God. But that requires a death to ourselves and letting Christ live in us.
And His ears [are] [open] to their prayers;
Wouldn’t it be great if we prayed day and night for each other? Wouldn’t it have a big impact on us? Many times we have not developed our own personal relationship with God, making it difficult to pray for others.
Suppose you only talked to your spouse or children a few times a week. Just before a meal. Maybe you only talked to them on two specific days of the week, Sunday and Wednesday. What if it took a major crisis in your life to ask your family for help? If that were the case, we would not have a very good relationship with our spouse or children. The closeness that we now share would be diminished. Just as having open communication with our family members is important, prayer is necessary for developing our relationship with our heavenly Father. An example of one whose whole life followed God is Job.
Job 1:1 (NKJV) There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name [was]
Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned
evil. ------ (Let him turn away from evil and do good)
2 And seven sons and three daughters were born to him.
3 Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels,
five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large
household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East.
4 And his sons would go and feast [in] [their] houses, each on his [appointed]
day, and would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with
them.
5 So it was, when the days of feasting had run their course, that Job would
send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer
burnt offerings [according] [to] the number of them all. For Job said, "It
may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." Thus
Job did regularly.
When Satan took away everything Job had, his livestock, children, servants, and eventually his health, he arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshipped. And he said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord." In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong. Job not only prayed to God in time of adversity, but always throughout his life.
These five verses contain a lot of principles that will help us develop the kind of relationships that would be pleasing to God.
