to Have an Enduring Marriage

 Introduction
  1. 1 Cor. 11:1—we are to appreciate and learn from those who set godly examples.
    1. They are tangible examples to us that difficult task can be done.
  2. The prospect of 50 years of marriage seems a daunting, if not impossible, task to many.
    1. It is a rarity in our divorce-ridden society of today
  3. Yet, many Christians stand out as examples to those of us who are reaching for what seems to be the “Holy Grail” of companionship—an enduring marriage.
  4. While Christians examples show us it can be done, the Bible tell us how it can be done.
  5. This morning, want to look at five biblical couples and see what lessons can be learned by those of us striving to develop enduring marriages today.

Value Your Mate:  The Lesson of Jacob and Rachel

  1. Gen. 29:9-11; 18; 20- 30-- Story of Jacob working 14 years for the woman of his dreams is one of the most romantic of the Bible.
    1. What would drive a man to work so hard and remain so focused on a woman? The answer is he valued her so much 14 years of hard work paled in comparison to the joy of having her in his life.
      1. She captured his mind and the imagination of his heart!
      2. He recognized her as something precious and lovely
      3. 1 Pet. 3:7—she is something precious; Prov. 18:22
  2. It is our initial valuing of someone that eventually leads us to marry them.  They are the “wind beneath our wings;” they make our heart’s stop; the center of our world. In our minds, they will never be less than perfect!
    1. But, inevitably over time, their perfection will fade.  As their perfection fades, so easily does their value in our eyes.  We do not appreciate effort that is given. Marriage sours over time.  We divorce them, look for greener pastures
  3. Some questions:
    1. Do you value your mate as Jacob did?
      1. Do you see within them something that is precious to you? Someone of whom no service asked of you could be too great?
    2. If you lost your mate now, what would you lose?
      1. Companionship?
      2. Someone who understands you better than anyone else?
      3. The mother or father of you children?
      4. Someone who provides for you?
      5. Someone who puts up with your silly jokes; your quick temper
      6. Regardless of how much you fight, when you can identify what you will lose, hold onto it and value it.
  4. Do not value them in their perfection, but value them despite their imperfection—value them not only for what they are, but also for what they try to be.
  5. How do you show them you value them?
    1. Various ways:  affection; cards; tell them
  6. When you can learn to value your mate, as Jacob did Rachel, you will begin to build an enduring marriage.

Respect Your Mate:  The Lesson of Boaz and Ruth

  1. Ruth, the young, poor, Moabite woman, was a hard worker.  And a good woman.
    1. She caught the eye of a relative of her dead husband, who took care of her as she gleaned in his fields.
    2. Knowing him to be her only hope of salvation, she, at the urging of her mother-in-law, went to him and asked him to take care of her, Ruth 3:9
  2. Ruth had not gone unnoticed by Boaz, 2:5—believe we can put two and two together and deduce that she was physically attractive.
    1. But, when confronted with her request, whatever physical attraction Boaz may have had toward her, that was not the thing he mentioned, READ 3:11
    2. Because he had noted the inward woman, not just the outward woman, Boaz RESPECTED her
  3. When we talk of respect, talk of esteem, or high regard.  A high regard we have for them not because of their looks, or necessarily what they do, but who they are inside that commands our attention and our admiration!
    1. Respect of David for Abigail, 1 Sam. 25:32-33; 35
    2. Although written to women, it is the heart of 1 Pet. 3:1-6
    3. It is to noticed by our mates, Prov. 31:28
      1. Why? Because of who she is; what she stands for.
  4. Husbands, wives, if there is not something in the life of your mate that you do not respect, your marriage will likely fail.
  5. So, do you respect your spouse? Let them know you have noticed and esteemed who they are inside!
    1. Husbands ought to respect the wife
      1. If telling her she does nothing because she stays at home (Tit. 2:5) does not bring money in, showing her no respect.
      2. If you make decisions for the family without seeking her wisdom, you are not showing respect.
    2. Wives ought to respect their husbands
      1. When he makes sacrifices in the workforce in order to be a more God-centered husband or father
  6. This needs to be added:  If one is to be respected; they must earn respect.  Perhaps if not being shown respect by mate, need to ask self am I respectable inside?
  7. When you can look at the inside of your mate and genuinely respect who your mate is, you will build an enduring marriage.

Show Concern for Your Mate:  The Lesson of Elkanah and Hannah

  1. 1 Sam. 1:5-8
    1. Elkanah is one of my heroes! He noticed his wife was upset and reached out in concern for her. Hope to be that way one day.
  2. It is easy for us to become so concerned with the affairs of life: work; bills; children; our own personal goals—that we ignore our spouse when they are in need.  And the husband who is consumed with growing his business does not notice that his wife is dying inside.   The wife that is driven to prove herself to the business world fails to see that not only is she denying her children of what she owes them, but also her husband is missing something.
    1. The heart of Eph. 5:22-29 is that we are to focused not on ourselves but on our mate and their needs.
      1. “But then my needs will not be met!”  Focus on your mate like Elkanah and let them focus on your needs.
    2. 1 Cor. 7:3-4—your mates needs above your own—concern for them
  3. This means we must pay close attention to our spouses—notice when they are down, happy, not feeling well.  Must be willing to do whatever is in our power to ease them, Est. 5:3.
  4. If you will watch your mate and show concern for them like Elkanah, you will have a wonderful shot of an enduring marriage.

Your Mate:  The Lesson of Isaac and Rebekah

  1. Some may consider this the “duh” part of the lesson:   Of course they are to love one another
    1. But, the reality is when our value, respect and concern for our mate begins to fade, so does our love.
    2. Begin to hear “I just don’t love her/him anymore.”
  2. Tell the story of Isaac and Rebekah, ending in Gen. 24:67
    1. A simple statement, yet just as “God is love” (1 Jn. 4:16), one that is rich in profoundness.
  3. We have fooled ourselves into thinking that love is a biological or mystical force that just happens, and once it does it stays forever.
    1. The Bible opens our eyes to the reality of love:  it is something even married couples must work at! Col. 3:19; Tit. 2:4
      1. How unromantic!  Love is commanded.  It is a learned response.  Listen:  it is something one does not because they always want to, but because God expects it.
        1. We love our mates because we have committed to love them; we love because we serve God; we love because God loves us; If you cannot love your mate because of who they are, you are to love them because of who God is.
  4. In marriages like to read 1 Cor. 13:4-8 and insert the names of those being joined.
    1. If you can focus on this kind of love, not just the easy emotional response, you will have a marriage that will endure.

Serve The Lord Together: The Lesson of Aquilla and Pricilla

  1. Aquilla and Pricilla are first introduced in Acts 18 as co-workers of Paul.
    1. Three incidents point to the spiritual-centeredness of this married couple:They pulled Apollos aside and taught him correctly about Jesus
      1. They risked their lives for the life of Paul, Rom. 16:4
      2. They housed a local church, Rom. 16:5
    2. They did not do this spiritual service individually, but as a couple, they actively served the Lord.  One is not spoken of without the other!
  2. It is hard to be one in a marriage when your loyalties to God and how you are to serve Him are divided.
  3. If you want to have an enduring marriage, then as a couple, serve the Lord with one mind, 1 Cor. 1:10
    1. Encourage such in your mate; reinforce it in your own life.  To the point there is no doubt as a family we will follow after God
  4. Be concerned with spiritual things as a family:
    1. Raising Godly children
    2. Bringing others to Christ
    3. Helping the needy
    4. Opening your home to the saints

In all fairness, 1 Cor. 7 makes it clear marriages can succeed even when both do not faithful serve the Lord, but when you serve God together, it make valuing and respecting your mate so much easier.

Conclusion

    • Fifty years! What a milestone!  The journey to this point, it will be admitted, was not an easy one, even for Christians.
    • But, mom and dad will tell those of us pushing for this goal that it is worth it.
    • God has given us a wonderful thing in marriage and wonderful examples to look toward—both biblical and personal.
    • How do you have an enduring marriage?
      1. Like Jacob, value your mate
      2. Like Boaz, respect your mate
      3. Like Elkanah, show concern for your mate
      4. Like Isaac, love your mate.
      5. Like Aquilla and Pricilla, work for the Lord together.
    • It is possible, regardless of the importance of marriage, to be pleasing to God without being married to someone
    • It is impossible, however, to be pleasing to God without being married to Him
        1. Paul states the purpose of the powerful marriage text of Eph. 5 in v. 32
        2. To be married to Him, must…
        3. But, that marriage must be lasting, enduring…
          1. We are to value God
          2. We are to respect Him
          3. We are to be concerned for Him and His will
          4. We are to love Him

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